Dear Heaven,

Recently you've welcomed two new faces-- Jana Brown and Brian Syddall. I'll admit, we're all a little jealous, and maybe even a little bitter, that they are there and not here with us. Our family is very close, you know. Since they've left things haven't been the same. There is a feeling of emptiness at every family gathering and I've never seen so many tears fall from loved ones eyes. I just wanted to reach out to let you know why you're lucky to have them and why we miss them so much down here.

Let me start with aunt J. Jana is the sweetest. I still have fond memories of her longgg piggy back rides she would give me and my siblings when we were kids. Or the times she would take us to the local supermarket so we could pick out our favorite drink to take with us to the park. She would spin us and spin us on the metal merry-go-round and play lava monster with us for hours it seemed. We all loved Aunt Jana. I remember thinking that she looked so beautiful on her wedding day. She wasn't one to dress up much {I can so relate}, so I loved seeing her all dolled up! Jana and Jon were married and sealed in the beautiful Bountiful temple-- just like Jason and I. I cannot even begin to explain how grateful I am that she was there to support me for my big day. I had no idea that would be the last time I would get to hug her and talk to her. She gave me compliment after compliment and now I only wish that I reciprocated those same words to her. Shortly after my wedding, Jana was diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know all the details, but I do know that her health was declining fast. Her body was filled with infection and failing organs. On October 12th, Jana passed away. It was hard news that no one wanted to accept. I bawled, along with many others. I can only hope that she knows the impact she's made on our lives. She is so, so loved.

Now let me tell you about my uncle Brian. Brian is hilarious. He knows how to lighten the mood and put a smile on anyone's face. He's a smart man with a big heart and he was always willing to help where he could. Ever since I was little, I've loved going over to Brian's house for parties, football games, holidays, and family get-togethers {I even had my bridal shower over there}. Playing knock out with everyone in his backyard has got to be one of my all time favorite things. One of my more vivid memories with Brian was on a Lagoon trip with the family. Shilo and I wanted to go on the rattlesnake rapids ride over and over again. Some of the group opted out to avoid being uncomfortably wet afterwards, but Brian was more than willing to accompany us! I remember having the best time ever that day. That memory specifically has stuck with me for years. {Side note: I didn't realize until I saw some pictures that Jana was with us that same day at Lagoon! Kind of crazy considering Jana and Brian are on different sides of our family.} Brian and his family were also at my wedding, which I am so, so grateful for. The morning of November 30th, only seven weeks after Jana's passing, Brian was killed in a car accident while driving to work. It was so unexpected and hearing the news absolutely broke my heart. I was still grieving over the loss of Jana, and then, like cutting into an already open wound, I found myself hurting more than ever before. I bawled. We all did. We all still do.

You know, it's really hard having to experience the loss of someone close. Jana was a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt. Brian was a husband, a dad, a son, a brother, an uncle. We wish we had more days with them and we wish we were able to give them a proper good-bye, but we know that, in time, we will be able to see them again. Let them know that they are so loved, and give them the biggest hug from us all.

Sending so much love your way,

     Lexee

P.S. Can you let Brian know that Robyn received his anniversary flowers?

More posts {from my sweet mama's blog} about Jana and Brian are found here and here.